Sunday, March 27, 2011
Weird how things creep into your mind at the oddest times. I should be celebrating sleeping in my own bed for a whole week. All I can think of, though, is him. Grrr. Things always happen for a reason. I know if it had been meant to be, he wouldn't have left. My heart is healed, mostly, but on occasion I let myself drift into "what could have been" mode. I am so thankful for a merciful and loving God. He is here to hold onto my heart as I heal. I know that I am meant to have a meaningful life full of love, family and friends. That person is out there. The one I will share my whole life with. These are the scribblings of a sappy insomniac. :-)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The curve balls don't stop as we age....
I've been reflecting on the past 6 months a lot lately. Just six months ago, I was still at my old job, preparing for my move to a new adventure. I was in love with a wonderful man, and anxiously awaiting my upcoming birthday. I was also looking forward to a belated celebration with friends shortly after my birthday. (Most people who have known me more than 2 weeks know how much I loooove my birthday;-) )
BOOM! Flash forward two weeks. My heart was totally crushed, I was anxious, yet excited about the new job, and I was clinging to my friends for support.
Life is so full of surprises. At the time that the breakup occurred, I felt like the world stopped spinning for a moment. The pain was intense and the memories were both a comfort and a curse. I couldn't believe it was happening. Not again....
Flash forward 6 months. Here I am...still alive....strong...and moving forward. I've had a lot of time to think about what happened and the events that followed. God has a way of showing us things in the seemingly strangest of ways. I'd grown close to God again, and was devouring as much knowledge of the word as possible. At the time, I was also working on "Me" so that I could be a better girlfriend/wife/etc.
God sent me a man who was everything I thought I wanted. Finally I felt like I had the complete package. A man who loved the Lord and loved me for me. We had even talked about the possibility of marriage and children. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. When he was gone, I had only God to look to.
I honestly believe that God put me through that experience so that I could take inventory of everything I DO still have. What do I have that is temporary, what do I have that is eternal? Guess what?! I have a LOT. An amazing group of friends who embraced me with love and compassion. Friends who would not allow me to crawl into a dark hole and hide. The kind of friends who made it their mission to lift me UP. Family who is amazing and supportive. I've been so blessed with the greatest friends and family. Sometimes it takes something important being stripped from you to see how blessed you truly are.
Over the past 6 months, it has been so amazing to see how God is working in my life and the lives of my family and friends. I have an amazing new job that brings me all kinds of adventures. My friends and family are a constant source of strength.
Change is inevitable. To stay in the same place causes our lives to become stagnant. Yes, life throws us curve balls, but there truly is a silver lining to every dark cloud...
I can't wait to see what the next six months brings....
BOOM! Flash forward two weeks. My heart was totally crushed, I was anxious, yet excited about the new job, and I was clinging to my friends for support.
Life is so full of surprises. At the time that the breakup occurred, I felt like the world stopped spinning for a moment. The pain was intense and the memories were both a comfort and a curse. I couldn't believe it was happening. Not again....
Flash forward 6 months. Here I am...still alive....strong...and moving forward. I've had a lot of time to think about what happened and the events that followed. God has a way of showing us things in the seemingly strangest of ways. I'd grown close to God again, and was devouring as much knowledge of the word as possible. At the time, I was also working on "Me" so that I could be a better girlfriend/wife/etc.
God sent me a man who was everything I thought I wanted. Finally I felt like I had the complete package. A man who loved the Lord and loved me for me. We had even talked about the possibility of marriage and children. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. When he was gone, I had only God to look to.
I honestly believe that God put me through that experience so that I could take inventory of everything I DO still have. What do I have that is temporary, what do I have that is eternal? Guess what?! I have a LOT. An amazing group of friends who embraced me with love and compassion. Friends who would not allow me to crawl into a dark hole and hide. The kind of friends who made it their mission to lift me UP. Family who is amazing and supportive. I've been so blessed with the greatest friends and family. Sometimes it takes something important being stripped from you to see how blessed you truly are.
Over the past 6 months, it has been so amazing to see how God is working in my life and the lives of my family and friends. I have an amazing new job that brings me all kinds of adventures. My friends and family are a constant source of strength.
Change is inevitable. To stay in the same place causes our lives to become stagnant. Yes, life throws us curve balls, but there truly is a silver lining to every dark cloud...
I can't wait to see what the next six months brings....
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I've heard it said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. What stinks about this, is that we aren't always in control of this. In fact, we rarely get to choose when someone exits our life. Relationships come and go. As a 35 yr old who has never been married, you'd think I'd be used to this concept by now. Unfortunately, breakups don't ever get easier.
Sometimes someone will exit from your life and you don't understand why. All you can do is thank God for the time you had and the lessons learned. What I could see lasting a lifetime was over in a brief season. I have come to accept it but the wounds still sting a little. I'm learning to lean on God and the shoulders of friends and family. I learned how blessed I truly am.
Sometimes you have to lose something to realize how much you still have.
Sometimes someone will exit from your life and you don't understand why. All you can do is thank God for the time you had and the lessons learned. What I could see lasting a lifetime was over in a brief season. I have come to accept it but the wounds still sting a little. I'm learning to lean on God and the shoulders of friends and family. I learned how blessed I truly am.
Sometimes you have to lose something to realize how much you still have.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Eharmony is eharming me ;-)
Does Dr. Neil Clark Warren (founder of eHarmony) know something about me that I don't? Honestly.
Over the course of the past year, I have found myself communicating at LENGTH with several people on eHarmony. Why is it that these guys are on a site for RELATIONSHIPS when they are really looking to date? I think the funniest thing yet, was when someone told me after 3 (seemingly good) dates that he was really just looking to date...not looking for something serious. I also recently went on a few dates with a guy and then never heard from him again. He even removed me from his google chat. Really?! Is that necessary? I didn't pester him, and frankly I had left the communication ball in his court after two un answered emails/texts.
I guess in either case, I am better off without them. If someone doesn't have the decency to at least let me know they are no longer interested, then I don't want them in my life anyway.
Even though the concept of eharmony is great, I don't have any more patience for the site. I'm going to spend some time in preparation for being in a relationship that is hopefully headed for marriage. I have been praying and studying and reading every Christian book on dating/relationships that I can get my hands on. As I get more and more involved with my church, I think more opportunities for meeting eligible bachelors will present themselves. :-)
To end my eHarmony rant....If you aren't looking for an actual relationship, don't waste either of our time by going through the lengthy communication process. Stop the madness! :-)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Reconnecting with old friends.....
I was thinking today about friends who drift out of our lives...It happens so slowly, that you hardly notice until it's too late....then I started thinking about the Phil Collins tune "Do You Remember"....I hope that I never let my own stupid pride keep me from reconnecting with an old friend. There comes a time when bygones must be bygones...and only then will the healing and rebuilding begin....
Do You Remember?
We never talked about it but I hear the blame was mine
I'd call you up to say I'm sorry,
But I wouldn't want to waste your time
'Cause I love you, but I can't take anymore
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
If we could try like we tried before
Would you keep on telling me those lies?
Do you remember?
There seemed no way to make up,
'Cause it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked it told me,
It's a look I know I'll never forget
You could've come over to my side,
You could've let me know
You could've tried to see the distance between us
But it seemed to far for you to go
Do you remember?
Through all of my life,
In spite of all the pain
You know that people are funny sometimes,
'Cause they just can't wait to get hurt again,
Tell me do you remember?
There are things we won't recall,
And feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see it,
'Cause we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do,
More important to say
But "I love you" wasn't one of those things,
And now it's too late
Do you remember
Do You Remember?
We never talked about it but I hear the blame was mine
I'd call you up to say I'm sorry,
But I wouldn't want to waste your time
'Cause I love you, but I can't take anymore
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
If we could try like we tried before
Would you keep on telling me those lies?
Do you remember?
There seemed no way to make up,
'Cause it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked it told me,
It's a look I know I'll never forget
You could've come over to my side,
You could've let me know
You could've tried to see the distance between us
But it seemed to far for you to go
Do you remember?
Through all of my life,
In spite of all the pain
You know that people are funny sometimes,
'Cause they just can't wait to get hurt again,
Tell me do you remember?
There are things we won't recall,
And feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see it,
'Cause we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do,
More important to say
But "I love you" wasn't one of those things,
And now it's too late
Do you remember
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Ahhh.....V-Day....
It's funny how one's opinion changes from year to year on the significance of Valentine's Day. I think my opinion is pretty much consistent, but the degree of agitation is greater in years such as this one. I'm single, Valentine's Day approacheth...what a crappy holiday.
Remember the days of gradeschool? Everyone had to bring a valentine for EVERY PERSON IN THE CLASS. Half the fun was picking out what valentines you'd be handing out. Then came the real fun...choosing who would get each design. I remember artfully choosing the "best" ones for the boys on whom I had crushes. For the boys I'd have rather NOT had chasing me on the playground, I reserved the "You're Neat!" messages. It was always such a fun day at school. Heart shaped sugar cookies, koolaid, snacks. My teeth always hurt at the end of the day from crunching on conversation hearts.
Flash forward to today! I'm 34, and nobody is obligated to give me a valentine. I won't be decorating a box to put at the end of my cube. Nobody will be dropping off copious amounts of valentines. Gone are the days of heart shaped sugar cookies and punch. What I'm left with is a commercialized Hallmark holiday that is meant to make single people feel crappy about their lack of a relationship. It's a day meant to make those who are IN a relationship feel obligated to "prove their love" by buying flowers, jewelry, chocolates...etc.
Shouldn't we be letting our love show 365 days a year? Why is it so special on February 14th? My only consolation this year, is that V-Day falls on a Sunday. I can just stay home with my aforementioned kitty cat and watch ANYTHING but romantic comedies!! I'm thinking I will devote the day to catching up on episodes of Forensic Files. Nothing like a good murder mystery to make you forget about the misery of your singlehood.
More to come.....
Remember the days of gradeschool? Everyone had to bring a valentine for EVERY PERSON IN THE CLASS. Half the fun was picking out what valentines you'd be handing out. Then came the real fun...choosing who would get each design. I remember artfully choosing the "best" ones for the boys on whom I had crushes. For the boys I'd have rather NOT had chasing me on the playground, I reserved the "You're Neat!" messages. It was always such a fun day at school. Heart shaped sugar cookies, koolaid, snacks. My teeth always hurt at the end of the day from crunching on conversation hearts.
Flash forward to today! I'm 34, and nobody is obligated to give me a valentine. I won't be decorating a box to put at the end of my cube. Nobody will be dropping off copious amounts of valentines. Gone are the days of heart shaped sugar cookies and punch. What I'm left with is a commercialized Hallmark holiday that is meant to make single people feel crappy about their lack of a relationship. It's a day meant to make those who are IN a relationship feel obligated to "prove their love" by buying flowers, jewelry, chocolates...etc.
Shouldn't we be letting our love show 365 days a year? Why is it so special on February 14th? My only consolation this year, is that V-Day falls on a Sunday. I can just stay home with my aforementioned kitty cat and watch ANYTHING but romantic comedies!! I'm thinking I will devote the day to catching up on episodes of Forensic Files. Nothing like a good murder mystery to make you forget about the misery of your singlehood.
More to come.....
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Open Letter to Dr. Neil Clark Warren (eHarmony)
Dear Dr. Warren: (and really any guys I may or may not date in the future!!)
Perhaps I am just unlucky, but I think your site needs to do a little better job screening the potential matches. Somehow I have managed to be matched with people who, at first glance, appear highly compatible. The questions that don't get asked BEFORE matching are sometimes very important. I suppose short of a lie detector test, you'd never really know someone's motives in dating were pure. That said, here are my suggestions for making eHarmony a safer place.
Flakiness Factor- How about adding to the personality profile questions. I'd love to know how someone behaves before and after a first date. Do they subscribe to the 3 day rule? Will they set up a 2nd date immediately if they are interested??
A thumbs up/thumbs down feedback factor. I'd love a place to indicate how I think a date went. Chemistry.com has something similar. It gives you a nice way to let someone know if you are or are NOT intestested in getting to know them further. I'm not sure about other people, but the not knowing is sometimes the most painful part!!
Post First Date Behavior - I think I have already covered this one above. (see Flakiness Factor) A man's behavior after the first date can be a real indicator of how the relationship might take shape. Don't jerk me around...let me know if you aren't interested so I can cut my losses and move on. I have a pretty thick skin, but nobody recovers well from being strung along.
With that said, being honest does not mean it has to be hurtful. There is definitely a polite way to let someone down. If you aren't interested, why waste either of our time. Let's just make nice and move along. I am not opposed to making new friends along this bumpy dating road, but I feel the need to remind these guys that I didn't pay for eFriendomy...I paid for eHarmony....
Okay...ranting complete....for NOW. :-)
Perhaps I am just unlucky, but I think your site needs to do a little better job screening the potential matches. Somehow I have managed to be matched with people who, at first glance, appear highly compatible. The questions that don't get asked BEFORE matching are sometimes very important. I suppose short of a lie detector test, you'd never really know someone's motives in dating were pure. That said, here are my suggestions for making eHarmony a safer place.
Flakiness Factor- How about adding to the personality profile questions. I'd love to know how someone behaves before and after a first date. Do they subscribe to the 3 day rule? Will they set up a 2nd date immediately if they are interested??
A thumbs up/thumbs down feedback factor. I'd love a place to indicate how I think a date went. Chemistry.com has something similar. It gives you a nice way to let someone know if you are or are NOT intestested in getting to know them further. I'm not sure about other people, but the not knowing is sometimes the most painful part!!
Post First Date Behavior - I think I have already covered this one above. (see Flakiness Factor) A man's behavior after the first date can be a real indicator of how the relationship might take shape. Don't jerk me around...let me know if you aren't interested so I can cut my losses and move on. I have a pretty thick skin, but nobody recovers well from being strung along.
With that said, being honest does not mean it has to be hurtful. There is definitely a polite way to let someone down. If you aren't interested, why waste either of our time. Let's just make nice and move along. I am not opposed to making new friends along this bumpy dating road, but I feel the need to remind these guys that I didn't pay for eFriendomy...I paid for eHarmony....
Okay...ranting complete....for NOW. :-)
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