I've heard it said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. What stinks about this, is that we aren't always in control of this. In fact, we rarely get to choose when someone exits our life. Relationships come and go. As a 35 yr old who has never been married, you'd think I'd be used to this concept by now. Unfortunately, breakups don't ever get easier.

Sometimes someone will exit from your life and you don't understand why. All you can do is thank God for the time you had and the lessons learned. What I could see lasting a lifetime was over in a brief season. I have come to accept it but the wounds still sting a little. I'm learning to lean on God and the shoulders of friends and family. I learned how blessed I truly am.

Sometimes you have to lose something to realize how much you still have.

Eharmony is eharming me ;-)

Does Dr. Neil Clark Warren (founder of eHarmony) know something about me that I don't? Honestly.

Over the course of the past year, I have found myself communicating at LENGTH with several people on eHarmony. Why is it that these guys are on a site for RELATIONSHIPS when they are really looking to date? I think the funniest thing yet, was when someone told me after 3 (seemingly good) dates that he was really just looking to date...not looking for something serious. I also recently went on a few dates with a guy and then never heard from him again. He even removed me from his google chat. Really?! Is that necessary? I didn't pester him, and frankly I had left the communication ball in his court after two un answered emails/texts.

I guess in either case, I am better off without them. If someone doesn't have the decency to at least let me know they are no longer interested, then I don't want them in my life anyway.

Even though the concept of eharmony is great, I don't have any more patience for the site. I'm going to spend some time in preparation for being in a relationship that is hopefully headed for marriage. I have been praying and studying and reading every Christian book on dating/relationships that I can get my hands on. As I get more and more involved with my church, I think more opportunities for meeting eligible bachelors will present themselves. :-)

To end my eHarmony rant....If you aren't looking for an actual relationship, don't waste either of our time by going through the lengthy communication process. Stop the madness! :-)

Reconnecting with old friends.....

I was thinking today about friends who drift out of our lives...It happens so slowly, that you hardly notice until it's too late....then I started thinking about the Phil Collins tune "Do You Remember"....I hope that I never let my own stupid pride keep me from reconnecting with an old friend. There comes a time when bygones must be bygones...and only then will the healing and rebuilding begin....

Do You Remember?

We never talked about it but I hear the blame was mine
I'd call you up to say I'm sorry,
But I wouldn't want to waste your time
'Cause I love you, but I can't take anymore
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
If we could try like we tried before
Would you keep on telling me those lies?
Do you remember?

There seemed no way to make up,
'Cause it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked it told me,
It's a look I know I'll never forget
You could've come over to my side,
You could've let me know
You could've tried to see the distance between us
But it seemed to far for you to go
Do you remember?

Through all of my life,
In spite of all the pain
You know that people are funny sometimes,
'Cause they just can't wait to get hurt again,
Tell me do you remember?

There are things we won't recall,
And feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see it,
'Cause we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do,
More important to say
But "I love you" wasn't one of those things,
And now it's too late
Do you remember

Ahhh.....V-Day....

It's funny how one's opinion changes from year to year on the significance of Valentine's Day. I think my opinion is pretty much consistent, but the degree of agitation is greater in years such as this one. I'm single, Valentine's Day approacheth...what a crappy holiday.

Remember the days of gradeschool? Everyone had to bring a valentine for EVERY PERSON IN THE CLASS. Half the fun was picking out what valentines you'd be handing out. Then came the real fun...choosing who would get each design. I remember artfully choosing the "best" ones for the boys on whom I had crushes. For the boys I'd have rather NOT had chasing me on the playground, I reserved the "You're Neat!" messages. It was always such a fun day at school. Heart shaped sugar cookies, koolaid, snacks. My teeth always hurt at the end of the day from crunching on conversation hearts.

Flash forward to today! I'm 34, and nobody is obligated to give me a valentine. I won't be decorating a box to put at the end of my cube. Nobody will be dropping off copious amounts of valentines. Gone are the days of heart shaped sugar cookies and punch. What I'm left with is a commercialized Hallmark holiday that is meant to make single people feel crappy about their lack of a relationship. It's a day meant to make those who are IN a relationship feel obligated to "prove their love" by buying flowers, jewelry, chocolates...etc.

Shouldn't we be letting our love show 365 days a year? Why is it so special on February 14th? My only consolation this year, is that V-Day falls on a Sunday. I can just stay home with my aforementioned kitty cat and watch ANYTHING but romantic comedies!! I'm thinking I will devote the day to catching up on episodes of Forensic Files. Nothing like a good murder mystery to make you forget about the misery of your singlehood.

More to come.....